Say What
by oxymorongurl127
Summary: Based off of the Breaking Dawn Quote of the Day... what could the quote possibly mean? We explore the possibilities! No spoilers whatsoever... duh, the book hasn't even been released yet.
1. Day1

Courtney: Hey Friends (fine, fiendish friends…Taylor's thing, don't ask…) So this is just a one-shot thing that me and my sister (oxymorongurl127) decided to do for fun just to get everybody pumped for the release of Breaking Dawn (ahhhhhhh

**Courtney: Hey Friends (fine, fiendish friends…Taylor's thing, don't ask…) So this is just a one-shot thing that me and my sister (oxymorongurl127) decided to do for fun just to get everybody pumped for the release of Breaking Dawn (ahhhhhhh!!) **

**Taylor: Yes! We will… be doing spoof off of the Breaking Dawn Quote of the Day! Just to… you know… think up what context the quote might be in and such! But… just a disclaimer here… we don't actually know what context they're really in. Neither of us are Stephanie, as much as we wish we were. And neither of us have read the book, either. The new one, that is, so these aren't spoilers. Sorry. **

**Courtney: On with the story!**

**Chapter 1 **

_Alice: "I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors."  
Edward: "Why don't you just tell me who wins?"  
Alice__: "I do. Excellent_

"Bella! Get your human butt in here right this instant!" Emmett screamed sliding to a halt in the Cullen's living room. "I know what you did to my Jeep!"

"What? What did I do to your _precious_ Jeep?!" I said sitting up on the couch and dropping my magazine on the table.

"I smelled you on its… its…_burning engine!_" He hollered pointing out the window at the cloud of gray smoke that engulfed his now useless Jeep.

"Oh you caught me," I fired back, rolling my eyes. "Squeezed in burning down your car between sitting with Edward and sitting with Edward!" I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and turned around to find Alice's wide, doe-like eyes worriedly glancing down at me.

"Oh Emmett, stop blaming Bella. Do you really think that even if she wanted to destroy your car she could- with her extended background in vehicular combustion. Plus I was watching her and she did nothing of the sort all afternoon."

Emmet fumbled with the fire extinguisher he held in his large hand and mumbled something about my smell, blah, blah, blah…

Edward stroked my cheek and said calmly with only a hint of mockery, "Bella, please tell me why you were in Emmett's Jeep recently enough to leave your smell?"

"Well," I said glancing at Edward and sucking in my breath to keep from hyperventilating, "If you _must_ know, I was rifling through your C.D.'s trying to find the one of Edwards that you took, I wanted to borrow it, however now I see that is not an option." Just then, as if on cue, the puffs of thick, gray smoke exploded in a frenzy of fiery sparks that sent Emmett out the door in a blink of an eye.

Edward turned to face Alice with his infamous crooked smile and said, "Now Alice, I know that he doesn't particularly share your idea of appropriate wedding attire, but was it really necessary to punish him, and Bella by the way, by setting his engine on fire?"

"You filthy mind reader you!" Alice whispered harshly. "Don't you dare tell him I did it or I'll strangle you!"

"First of all, _Alice_, I highly doubt that strangling me will do much good; and second, I am not going to let you cast the blame on Bella!" He whispered back equally harshly. I stifled a laugh at the sight of them face-to-face glowering and looking terrifyingly menacing.

"So, who's gonna take the blame?" I inquired raising my eyebrows and attempting the game show host façade. Alice and Edward turned to face me with the same look of disbelief crossing their beautiful faces. Suddenly, Alice smiled.

"I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors."

"Why don't you just tell me who wins?"

"I do. Excellent."

**The End**


	2. Day 2

Taylor: Alrighty, it's just me writing this one

**Taylor: Alrighty, it's just me writing this one! Of course, my loverly counter-author wrote the last one by herself… so hah! Hopefully we'll be able to finish these before the book comes out… wouldn't that be nice! As it is, we might not be able to finish it because we were gone for a few days and missed quite a few quotes. Now… on with the story!**

**Chapter 2**

_Bella: Oh, Mike, how will I go on?_

After days of nervous waiting, the day had finally arrived. The sky was covered in a lovely white blanket of clouds, a light breeze ruffled the leaves on the trees, and – amazingly – it wasn't raining.

I gazed out across the backyard of the Cullen's house at the seated guests, all waiting for me. At the end of the yard, on a beautiful white pavilion, stood Edward. He was resplendent in his black tuxedo, his golden eyes glowing with joy and his bronze hair ruffling slightly in the wind. I took a deep breath and started down the aisle. It was time to get married.

Emmett stood slightly behind Edward, and Jasper and Carlisle stood next to Edward. Slowly, so as not to trip, I continued my journey to stand next to Edward and become his wife.

When I reached the pavilion, I turned to look at all the guests. Tears streamed down my mother's face as she beamed at me and clutched my Charlie's and Phil's hands. Charlie smiled reassuringly. Behind them, I saw my friends from school, Angela, Ben, Mike, Jessica, and Lauren. Wait, Lauren? I did a double take. What was she doing here? Why had Alice invited her? But more importantly, why had she come? I was under the impression that she hated me.

Before I could ponder it further, Emmett started to speak. Edward gently took my hands and looked into my eyes. I was slowly melting, barely hearing what Emmett was saying. Edward, Edward, Edward. All I could see was Edward.

Suddenly, something flew from the woods and stuck in Edward's head. I dropped his hands like hot potatoes and jumped back, yelping. It was a flaming arrow!

"What the hell?!" I screeched as Edward pawed at his hair, which had caught on fire. From the woods, Jacob ran out, clutching a bow and a lighter.

"Jake!" I screamed, horrified by Edward's flaming head. "What have you done?!" Jacob cackled in reply and turned into a pterodactyl, which then flew away. Edward was still batting at his head, trying to put out the fire.

"Somebody, help!" I screamed. "Carlisle, Esme, do something!" I spun in a circle, trying to find somebody to help Edward. It took me a minute to find them, and when I did I couldn't believe my eyes.

Esme and Carlisle danced in a circle, holding hands with Sam Uley, Leah, Billy Black, Quil, and Embry as they sang Kumbaya!

"What are you doing?!" I screeched at them. Esme giggled – which I couldn't believe in and of itself – and continued to dance and sing.

"Come join us, Bella!" Carlisle called happily. I was appalled.

"Can't you see your son's head is on fire?" I screamed. At this rate, I was going to lose my voice. Carlisle and Esme didn't seem concerned, though, so I changed gears and started searching for somebody else. As soon as I did, the sun broke through the clouds, illuminating every vampire in the vicinity.

"Uh oh," I groaned. There were humans all over the place! It was by one of these humans that I found Alice – by my mother, to be exact.

"Isn't it awesome?" Alice said proudly, holding out a sparkling arm for Renee to ogle.

"How do you do it?" Renee questioned her, completely dazed.

Alice leaned in closer to whisper in Renee's ear. "It's magic," she announced quietly and yet still grandly.

"Ohhhhhh…" Renee nodded, a look of understanding covering her face.

I moaned loudly. Why hadn't Alice seen any of this? And, more importantly, why hadn't she done anything about any of this?

Turning around quickly, I looked for the three remaining, possibly sane Cullens – Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie. The first one that I saw was Emmett. He was on his knees, crawling across the lawn and… eating grass?

"What the hell…?" I muttered to myself, turning around once again. Looking for Rosalie or Jasper, I found the two of them… making out? Rosalie sat in Jasper's lap and Jasper sat on a table as they… made out.

"Ew, ew, ew!" I cried. Apparently, nobody would be able to help me. I guess I would just have to put out Edward's head by myself.

"Hold on, Edward!" I shouted to him as I ran – wearing a wedding dress, for the record, which is very hard to do – to find something to extinguish the still burning flames. Finally, I found a bottle of champagne. I ran back to Edward and then faced a new problem – getting the bottle open.

"No!" I screamed, trying to wedge the cork out. Before I had the chance to open the bottle, Edward keeled over sideways, literally dropping dead. I just stared at him in shock. Suddenly, a very suave and sexy looking Mike Newton sauntered up to me. I turned to him in my despair.

"Oh, Mike, how will I go on?" I wailed.

"Come and run away with me, Bella," Mike announced in a very deep voice. "We can ride my camel away into the sunset." For some reason, I didn't know why I should refuse him.

"Okay," I shrugged, as Mike and I walked towards his handsome camel.

Feeling extremely confused and fairly lost, I sat up. I shook my head slightly to clear it and looking around for Edward.

"Well, that was a weird dream…"

**A/N: Up next… Day 3 Quote! Here's a sneak preview… **

_**Tanya: Oh, Edward, I've missed you so.**_

**What can it mean? What will become of our dear Edward? Tune in next… um… chapter to find out!**


	3. Day 7

Hmmm… well, since we only have 3 days left, I suppose we should probably skip over some of the days

**Hmmm… well, since we only have 3 days left, I suppose we should probably skip over some of the days. So, with that in mind, here is… day 7!**

**Chapter 3**

_Edward: "You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating."_

We were sitting around a campfire. In the woods. In Alaska. It was cold.

For some absurd reason, every vampire in the clearing had taken it upon themselves to roast the best marshmallow, despite the fact that none of them could taste them. There fore, the role of taste-tester fell on my shoulders. I was slightly bloated, to say the least.

After going through two a half bags of, I was starting to despise the squishy little devils. Finally, Edward declared that I was to be released of my duty of taste-tester.

Minutes after this declaration, Tanya struck up a conversation with none other than – you guessed it – Emmett.

"So, I hear you like bears," Tanya commented conversationally.

Emmett raised his eyebrows. "Arrr."

"I myself prefer cougars," she continued nonchalantly, glancing flirtatiously at Edward. Edward kissed the top of my head sweetly.

"No, you don't," Kate piped up from across the clearing. "You like penguins."

Tanya shot her a death glare as the rest of the clearing snorted with laughter. I leaned against Edward comfortably, content in the knowledge that Tanya's flirtatious advances were all in vain. Suddenly, I felt and elbow in my side. I looked over to see Alice, who was leaning against Jasper's legs as he sat on a fallen tree, digging 2 marshmallows from the plastic bag. I looked at her with my eyes wide, concerned that she was going to force more of the dreaded sugar puffs on me. Alice shook her head reassuringly, and instead pinched each one with her thumb and forefinger, one for each hand. In a cooing, Dutch accent she began to speak for one of the marshmallows, moving her forefinger up and down as she did so.

"My name is Tanya," she cooed in a whisper, "but you an just call me Mallow from the Marsh."

"My name is Edward," the other marshmallow said in a half Texan, half Jamaican accent, "but you can just call me Marsh from the Mallow."

I giggled despite Edward's shocked expression and covered my hand with my mouth.

"Oh, Edwa – I mean, Marsh from the Mallow… You are so handsome and sexy and muscular!" Cooed the Tanya marshmallow.

"Sorry. I'm not into blonds," replied the Edward-mallow.

"But… but… I'm sexy, too! We beeeelooooooong together!"

"Back off, ho!" A new marshmallow suddenly squeaked. Jasper was holding this one.

"Who are you?" Tanya-mallow cooed accusingly.

"I am Bella-mallow!" It declared. "Edward is my husband and you can't have him!" The Bella-mallow and Edward-mallow suddenly started rubbing against each other very provocatively.

"Nooooo!" The Tanya-mallow sobbed. "I can't bear it!" Suddenly, the Tanya-mallow threw herself into the still crackling fire. But it wasn't over yet.

"Wait, Bella!" the Edward-mallow cried. "I must admit… I'm not mallow enough for you!"

"What do you mean?" The Bella-mallow cried, horrified.

"I… I… I have no man-parts! I'm just a ball of malllllloooooowwww!"

Suddenly, Edward reached over and snatched the two marshmallows from his siblings hands. He popped them both in his mouth with a grimace and swallowed quickly.

"You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating," he told Alice disdainfully. Alice just giggled and laced her fingers through Jaspers.

"You know, you're going to have to cough those up later," I whispered to Edward. He shrugged.

"That's okay. I couldn't stand the mallow-drama anymore."


	4. Day 3

**Welcome to the quote for Day the Third! Today in our episode, we feature the return of… Tanya! Gasp! So, without further ado, on with the story!**

**Chapter 4**

**(AKA Tanya the Speed Bump)**

_Tanya: Ah, Edward. I've missed you._

At first thought, I assumed that the ride to Alaska would be relaxing, if not down right enjoyable. Clearly, it was anything but.

Emmett and Jasper decided that it would be fun to accompany us and despite Edwards constant objections we found them clinging to the ski racks on the top of the car four miles out of Forks. Claiming that all the other Cullen's were miles away and in no way capable of picking them up, we were unhappily stuck with them. After 45 minutes of Jasper and Emmett reciting the entire Phantom of the Opera with Jasper singing the Raule/Phantom parts and Emmett singing the Christine parts, I was beginning to wonder if I could live through the next few hours.

"_Think of me, think of me fondly when you say goooooooodbyeeeeee!" _Sang Emmett.

"_Can it be? Can it be Christine? Bravo! Bravo!" _Shrieked Jasper, clasping his hands around Emmett's neck and gazing out at the imaginary crowd.

"Uggggg," I groaned covering my ears and leaning back into my seat. "Are we almost there Edward?"

"Only another 3 hours, or something like that."

"Wow, Edward's unsure! I'm going to treasure this moment for all of-"

"Oh my God, Bella! I'm not perfect! - Oh wait, I am! But still you can't just expect me to know everything - even though I do…" I had a feeling that it was going to be a very long ride.

When the 'Welcome to Denali' sign finally came into view I almost cried with relief. As truly unexcited as I was about meeting the woman that had - in my mind - tried to steal my husband, I was far less excited about spending another minute locked in the car with a cranky Edward and two musically impaired vampires.

"Oooooh," I said despite myself as we rolled up a long driveway leading to a fantastically large and beautiful house cut into the snowy hills of Alaska. Merely twenty yards in front of us I could see the snow covered outlines of a black Mercedes and a yellow Porsche that signaled freedom.

Suddenly there was a white flash and a thump as the whole car lurched over something large and hard.

"Oh my God! Edward, you just hit a deer!" I screamed and made an attempt to jump out of the car. However, a long white hand reached over stopped my hand from groping around on the latch. "What are you doing?" I said but stopped fighting when I saw the look on his face. He was almost… laughing? Why in the world would he be laughing about running over an innocent animal?

"Look, Edward, I know that you kill them and all, but really? Hitting animals with your car is horrible! That's a dreadful way to die! And why are you…? Stop laughing! This isn't funny!"

Emmett, Jasper, and even Edward, my lovely sensitive husband, were roaring with laughter!

"Bella," Edward choked out, still laughing. "That wasn't a deer!"

I was dumbfounded.

"What? But then… what _was _it?"

As soon as the words left my mouth, the car started shaking. My eyes grew wide and I gripped the armrest and Edward's arm, clinging on for dear life. I let out a little shriek as the car visibly lifted off the ground, raising up at least a foot. Edward had stopped laughing and now looked very, very pissed off.

"That," he lamented as a blond, tall, and gorgeous vampire popped up on the drivers side, "was Tanya."

He rolled down his window with an expression of great distaste on his face. Tanya leaned in the window, propping her elbows up on the door and sticking her smiling mug in the car. Consequently, the action nearly caused her boobs to spill out of her shirt.

"Ah, Edward. I've missed you," she sighed happily.

"What were you _doing_?" Edward growled in reply. "You nearly gave Bella a heart attack!"

"Right. So sorry," Tanya apologized breezily, tossing her hair with her long white fingers. "I had to get you to slow down _somehow_. I've been running after you for the last 54 miles!"

My mouth involuntarily dropped open.

"So you saw fit to lay down in front of the car to get us to stop?" Edward was steamed – I could tell by his tone.

Tanya shrugged nonchalantly. "So… can I get a ride with you up to the house?"

This time my eyebrows raised involuntarily. Was she serious? It was maybe, what… 100 yards to the house? Edward obviously agreed with my sentiments. He snorted in contempt.

"Ha. You can just keep on running, Tanya."

With those parting words, Edward slammed on the gas and tore up the rest of the driveway, leaving Tanya looking shocked behind us.

"But Edwaaaaaaard!" She wailed, making the entire car once again burst out in raucous laughter.

**Okay, so as you all know, Breaking Dawn comes out in 2 days! Now, the question is, once the book comes out, should this fanfic be continued? Obviously we won't be able to finish all of the quotes before the book comes out, but we could continue the story without putting in any spoilers. Of course, it would be hard to write it without being influenced at all by the book, but we could always try! So... what do you think? Review and tell all!**


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